For many years I have sought the help of professionals to cure this funk I've been in my entire life. After being told to meditate and breathe for the past 10 years... I came to this conclusion.
I am either too sensitive, or the world really is over flowing with assholes.
I say this because I have always cared deeply for how people feel, and I worry conststnly about stepping on people's toes, or offending someone. To the point of being queasy, and anxious and depressed. And im frankly tired of hearing that I need to meditate and breathe and I'll feel better by professional doctors. Im 22 years old, I breathe on a daily bases and frankly meditation can kiss my ass, it has no effect on me. And too tio it off, im sick of hearing people say how it helps them. Good for you, want a gold sticker?
Every single day I think about suicide. Wether it be about Jimmy, or wether ita abouy my selfless desire to commit the deed myself. And I use the word selfless because In my head, its not about dying so I can feel better. When I think of it, its about Landon having the chance to live with out being held down by my rain clouds. it's so people around me dont have to suffer from my contant state of depression. And there is always that snart ass who has to bring up getting better. Well, if I could figure it out I would. Maybe I could turn into another selfish asshole.and cheat snd use people and then ill be happy. Because that seriously seems to work for the rest of the world.
Ladies and gents, I am tired of being a door matt, and a scape goat. Im tired of gossips, I am tired of people who cant come to my face and ask me aomething or tell me something, I am tired of thinking about suicide every day, and im tired of finding reasons to live every day. Im tired...
