Boring Post

I am kind of just chilling here wondering what to write about. Kind of reminiscing in the past here. All the things I've pulled myself through, all the things that hurt me but gave me the knowledge I have today, the lessons I had to learn, the situations where I waved the white flag in defeat and the situations where I kept on fighting through, the things that have effected my self esteem for the good and the bad.
Over all, I have had many factors that have made me into the woman I am today. I don't want to be proud of who I am, yet |I do not want to be upset over it as well. I want peace and acceptance more than anything. To feel equal to others for once and not to feel high and mighty. I used to think that I had to be the best of the best to be anything. Now, I realize that is not true. I should just try to strive to be the best I can be. I want my kids to feel the same way one day.

Now, I took it upon myself to write a list of things one should and should NOT do.
1. One should mind their own business unless asked, or if the situation is an emergency or worrisome.
2. One should not drive like a priss when they have a "cow girl up" sticker on the back of their vehicle..
3. One should take up a hobby or two or three. It helps with number 1.
4. One should always find time in a day to view and participate in humorous things. Laughter is really the best medicine.
5. One should not dictate how a family does things or calls things.. it goes along with number one and its also really rude..

I shall say that I really do not like being told what to do. Especially when what I'm doing is none of your business. I will not be ordered around and then be expected to just agree, especially with stupid topics. I'm being so vague right now even though I should be able to say what I want since this is my own blog, but whatever. I guess only some people think that they are the only ones entitled to freedom of speech.

Now, on the topic of LOOVVE..
I really miss Ricky a lot and I cant wait to be with him again. When we are together the world just seems right and I feel at peace. I'm tired of being away from him. It's been eight months and Landon really needs to meet his daddy. I have a bad feeling he might make strange with Ricky at first. I really don't want that to happen. Soon Ricky will be with me again, i can just feel it.

I'm pretty sure Landon and I both have caught the cold my mom had. I know \i have the sore throat, and he's been fussy and has a hard time drinking his milk. I'm guessing he has it too, so I might give him just a little Tylenol before beddy bye time.
Anywho.. I'm boring myself here..
Peace!

Sometimes things get.. Whatever

Life is life. It is either good, it's ok, it's hell, it's fantastic, magical, whatever.. Recently, it's been total hell for me. Seeing as how I'm a person with a negative mind set it's very hard for me to find the good things in life and it's excruciating to feel any hope for things that feel like a lost cause. Lately, I find myself wondering why I even care so much, why I was gifted with such a big heart. Right now, I feel like my big heart is about as amazing as ripping open the beautiful, colourful, Christmas wrapping paper and finding a pair of plain white socks. Or a small bag of nasty, beige granny panties. I guess those would be appreciated by someone who doesn't have much... So maybe I should just grin and bare whatever comes my way? Come what may and Love it, right? How can anyone really love or appreciate pain, heartache, anger, being hurt and abused? Obviously, I lack the super gene that makes people smarter and stronger after they've hurt themselves.

But, I guess I should just "get over" things right? No feeling pain, or feeling sorry for myself. I'm just expected to live on as if nothing has ever happened.

Enough of my useless,angry,  pity party rant. Nothing will change.

One thing i Like about having the head of my bed under a window.. When Landon gets bored with the room scenery, I can just lift him over my head and he can gaze longingly outside. He just dangles there and looks around.. Soon, all hes going to really see is tree though. There's a big tree outside the window and the leaves are starting to come out.

One thing I hate about having the bed under the window is that Guido likes to jump on the sill and claw the screen and beg to come in when its open. He did that a few nights ago and scared Landon and I so bad. He biffed it the first jump and the noise was too much for my extreme terror of the dark to handle. I almost screamed and Landon had a big pouty until I fed him.

I'm really enjoying the warm weather. It's soo lovely and it helps with the PPD. Who can really be all that sad with all that sunshine? Maybe I should move to Hawaii, Mexico, Jamaica? Somewhere sunny. Only I had better get used to being a lobster because I burn like a wild grass fire.

I'm probably going to be dying my hair dark again.. dark like my poor, haunted soul... Just kidding. I used to dress with the goth style so it bothers my mom when my hair is dark. But its my hair after all. ;)
Anywho, I am off to be this great mother everyone says I am... I think everyone might be a little nuts. But that's just me bashing myself, and I'm not allowed to do that anymore.