Sometimes things get.. Whatever

Life is life. It is either good, it's ok, it's hell, it's fantastic, magical, whatever.. Recently, it's been total hell for me. Seeing as how I'm a person with a negative mind set it's very hard for me to find the good things in life and it's excruciating to feel any hope for things that feel like a lost cause. Lately, I find myself wondering why I even care so much, why I was gifted with such a big heart. Right now, I feel like my big heart is about as amazing as ripping open the beautiful, colourful, Christmas wrapping paper and finding a pair of plain white socks. Or a small bag of nasty, beige granny panties. I guess those would be appreciated by someone who doesn't have much... So maybe I should just grin and bare whatever comes my way? Come what may and Love it, right? How can anyone really love or appreciate pain, heartache, anger, being hurt and abused? Obviously, I lack the super gene that makes people smarter and stronger after they've hurt themselves.

But, I guess I should just "get over" things right? No feeling pain, or feeling sorry for myself. I'm just expected to live on as if nothing has ever happened.

Enough of my useless,angry,  pity party rant. Nothing will change.

One thing i Like about having the head of my bed under a window.. When Landon gets bored with the room scenery, I can just lift him over my head and he can gaze longingly outside. He just dangles there and looks around.. Soon, all hes going to really see is tree though. There's a big tree outside the window and the leaves are starting to come out.

One thing I hate about having the bed under the window is that Guido likes to jump on the sill and claw the screen and beg to come in when its open. He did that a few nights ago and scared Landon and I so bad. He biffed it the first jump and the noise was too much for my extreme terror of the dark to handle. I almost screamed and Landon had a big pouty until I fed him.

I'm really enjoying the warm weather. It's soo lovely and it helps with the PPD. Who can really be all that sad with all that sunshine? Maybe I should move to Hawaii, Mexico, Jamaica? Somewhere sunny. Only I had better get used to being a lobster because I burn like a wild grass fire.

I'm probably going to be dying my hair dark again.. dark like my poor, haunted soul... Just kidding. I used to dress with the goth style so it bothers my mom when my hair is dark. But its my hair after all. ;)
Anywho, I am off to be this great mother everyone says I am... I think everyone might be a little nuts. But that's just me bashing myself, and I'm not allowed to do that anymore.